We knew we were in for an adventure when we signed up to housesit four cats in a remote location on the Azuero Peninsula in Panama. What we didn’t know is how much being plopped in the jungle for 9 weeks actually affects your daily life. The first indication that this wasn’t a run-of-the-mill housesit (other than the minor addition of the wild animal a few weeks prior) was when the owners sent us the housesit guide, which in our experience is usually a 3-4 page document. On this occasion, we got a full-on 30 page manual of “light reading,” Marcy had joked. It was so vast that Mandy actually recommended she include a table of contents, which Marcy agreed would be a good addition.
We loved this housesit for a hundred and one reasons. In fact, despite having access to a vehicle, we typically only left once or twice a week, which was very unlike our typical insatiable explorer genes. We loved it this much, and virtually became homebodies. But, although we got into wonderful routines while living here, this sit was far from monotonous because as we we quickly learned, you never know what a day in the jungle will toss at you.
We woke up everyday around 5:45, usually from the distant roar of the howler monkeys which seemed to start hooting with fervor around that hour. Sometimes the electricity would be on, the fan whirring gently above us. Other times, the air was a bit stagnant as the electricity had shut off overnight, an incessant problem in Panama. If it was off, Greg had to get up and go turn on the generator, which was always available as back-up for the privileged. Typically, a pleasant breeze would be flowing in from the windows, as Mandy made the bed immediately to ensure that no geckos would poo on our sheets over the course of the day. She also collected our water glasses, which were cautiously covered with coasters because Greg discovered the hard way in the middle of the night, why this is absolutely necessary. Yes, Greg accidentally slurped down some gecko poo.
We walked to the kitchen, using flashlights to avoid stepping on anything questionable and the first order of business was to open the cat door, which had to be closed every night to keep the born-and-jungle raised Panama cats with serious jungle cred from bringing indoors any “presents.” The three Panama cats were always given the opportunity to sleep either in or outdoors, so long as Porsche the Princess from Canada stayed inside the kingdom.
After opening the door, of course, it was time to clean the litter box and feed the cats. In this photo is Diablito (yes, appropriately, Little Devil.) Typically, at least 1-2 of the Panama cats would be parading around the bowl for a refill, and cause a ruckus when Porsche wanted to get in on the action.
In reality, Porsche never really ate much. She was much more of a “Greenies” girl, a salmon-flavored “dental treat” which she would only eat when given a highly sophisticated and methodical rub-down.
We would then head off to meditate, read and focus on our own morning rituals which inevitably included a cuppa on the patio while basking in the rising sun, which happened a little after six. That is, if the day was clear (maybe 30% of the time). The reality is, we never knew what the weather would be. There were no reliable forecasts for this area.
The view from the backyard is 180 degrees of ocean and jungle. You cannot hear anything other than the rhapsodic sounds of nature. No cars, no people, no dogs, no airplanes. It’s mind-blowing. Marcy and Ray have already tried to woo us back saying they plan to plop an infinity pool down in the upcoming year or so. Ok. Yes please. Where do we sign up?
Once the sun had risen enough, it was time to sweep and clean the patio. This had to be be done daily because there were so many dead critters, typically moths and gecko body parts, which were always encompassed by a heap of carnivorous and indulgent ants. Also, there were often red polka dots smeared into the tile, evidence of the Panama cats’ feasts the night before. We suspect this is exactly why we had trouble finding mice to feed Jaggy. All the inventory was simply decimated.
Views of the front, and back of the house. It was two bedrooms and two baths built on an astounding 88 acres. Ray and Marcy have built a true paradise. We had A/C in the bedroom but surprisingly didn’t need to turn it on once. The fans, as well as the mirrored windows, kept the house very pleasant. Also, we visited during rainy season which cooled things off really well even when it did start heating up. Temperatures remained in the upper 70’s/low 80’s. Still, it was 70-90% humidity most days. So if you exerted yourself at all, you’d be due a shower.
Another job we had was disassembling, cleaning, and refilling the bird feeders. We would see hundreds of hummingbirds everyday.
Around 7, it was time for a workout. This often involved 45-90 minute walks on the miles of hiking trails in our personal jungle, or on other days, yoga and other fitness routines.
It’s incredible to hike in the jungle literally right from our doorstep. Ray and Marcy developed more than 5k of hiking trails and roads that wind their way amongst the mountain, which provides multiple exploration and exercise opportunities. It wasn’t unusual to see howler monkeys, capuchin monkeys, macaws, iguanas, and spiders! If you look for it you will find new life with every turn. These hikes did require coating ourselves with bug juice and returning with our clothes completely plastered to our bodies from the humidity. After all, this rolling mountainous terrain is not easy walking. But every step of it was extraordinary.
They even made adorable trail signage throughout. There is one trail loop called the Grand View Loop, which takes about 1.5-2 hours to complete and gives you views of all sides of the Azuero Peninsula.
We truly couldn’t believe how beautifully designed the trails are. Also, the owners designed them so that you never have to climb more than a 10 degree ascent. This is NOT the case on the roads and those could be a bit more grueling.
Sweeping views of the Pacific far below. The water was very inviting.
We’ve never quite seen perfectly undulating vines like these before.
There’s is also a waterfall on the property which only produces significant cascades during heavy rains.
This is Greg trying to retrieve his sunglasses on a very steep embankment. Of course this was the result of a giant flying critter, which he swatted so aggressively that his sunglasses leapt off in horror.
A ridiculously beautiful cicada. And wow, do they produce a symphony.
Mandy the Spiderweb Slayer. One person always gets the pleasure of taking the lead to whack the spiderwebs down, being carefully not to harm the actual spiders.
Mr Beautiful Cicada meets Senora Spider. These non-poisonous type of banana spiders are littered throughout the trails and we’ve seen them as big as our palms. Check out those furry joints!
There are six species of monkeys in Panama and two lived right in our backyard. These are the ever pervasive Howler monkeys, who make a cacophony of irresistible racket.
Are we living in Jurassic Park???
The much quieter little squeaker is the Capuchin. It took us several weeks to get some good footage of them, as they’re a bit more elusive.
These forest crabs, like the spiders, are a dime a dozen. We actually had a lot of trouble catching mice for Jaggy so we tried to give him one of these. He was totally uninterested. Another time, in another place, one of these crabs climbed out of a drain while Mandy was showering. They’re ridiculously slow and don’t seem to be very bright. Certainly look more feisty than they actually are.
The brightest caterpillar we ever did see!
One time Mandy unrolled her yoga mat and one of these fell out. Yes, a scorpion. In the house, nonethless, and about as big as a thumb. Fortunately, we did not see too many, because apparently they’re not as prevalent during rainy season.
Macaws and their irresistible chortling sounds, are a common occurrence from our back patio. Can you spot the ones we found?
On our hikes, we would check the mousetraps to see if we’d caught Jaggy any toys (because that’s exactly what he thought they were.) We were absolutely hapless in catching mice, however. In fact, there was only one capture…for all the nights we put out a trap. This was despite our culinary efforts in providing a delectable mouse bait medley including papaya, grilled chicken, cream cheese, banana, and peanut butter. Usually the scavenging ants were all we caught, which on more than one occasion, bit the hell out of our fingers with a searing burn when we retrieved the cage.
However, to Greg’s alarm, one morning was a bit different when he discovered this in the trap. Yes, that’s a opossum…in a cage that was approximately 6”x16”x8.” Obviously, feeding Jaggy this little aggressor was out of the question, so we had to find a way to free it without getting creamed. When we walked up to the cage, as expected, it gave a startling hiss of annoyance, followed by an almost instantaneous flop upon itself as it presented the essence of the phrase, “playing opossum.” We were then able to open the cage and position a rock on top to leave it open. The opossum continued playing dead for a good 20 minutes as we stood by awaiting his imminent realization of freedom. We very much wanted a chance to see a opossum up close and personal, since the only opossums we’d seen this close were the notorious US roadkill variety.
We finally left and allowed the opossum the luxury of liberty without us peeping at his misfortune nearby. This was also the last time we were able to use this particular trap because in his opossum panic, the poor guy managed to break the trap mechanism.
Returning from our walks, it was time to feed the beast, our baby rescued jaguarundi. He’s got a full post of his own. When he wasn’t eating the quails we picked up, he would eat chicken (parts), pork and beef heart. Because Mandy refused to do the live animal feeding, the deal was she would cut and prepare the meat. She’s always been very squeamish about this, even before she was a mostly vegetarian, so this served as a golden opportunity to get over that trepidation.
The thing is, when you buy meat here, it’s not tidily packaged in little pre-cut containers with plastic wrap. Instead, you go to the butcher and you get a half a chicken whacked in front and of you, and drowned in its own flopping skin, cartilage and organs, a large lump of pork (the easiest), and a cow’s heart, which is as big as a human head and is oozing with ventricles, arteries, veins and a lots of the red stuff. Yes, Mandy did this…all to ensure our sweet little boy’s survival. As Jaggy got older, we’d have to “suit up” like a zookeeper in rubber boots and gloves to feed him, because if we didn’t he would jump wildly on us. He only did this when we was really hangry, fortunately.
While Jaggy ate, we typically used this opportunity to tidy his massive cage, which included watering the grass, and changing his water bowl, where early on, we would often find his caca. Yes, that’s Spanish for poop. How appetizing.
After feeding Jaggy, we would walk the property to do other chores like watering the tomatoes in the garden. One day while Greg was watering, he saw at least a 10’ long Boa Constrictor in the brush surrounding the garden, which slithered quickly into the jungle before he could react. Obviously boas are not something you want hanging around with little cats bouncing about. In fact, Marcy told us the story and shared photos of how they caught and released a boa not that long ago. She may be a bit more badass than us though. Lol.
That said, in the jungle, you always have to be on the lookout for the presence of critters. Mandy also almost walked into one of these spider webs right in our yard. In September and October, the North American green lynx female spider constructs 1-5 egg sacs, each containing 25 to 600 bright orange eggs, which she guards, usually hanging upside down from a sac and attacking everything that comes near. Disturbingly, one of her means of defense is to squirt venom from her perch, sometimes to a distance of about a foot. The eggs hatch after about two weeks, and after another two weeks fully functional spiderlings emerge from the sac. Eek. Glad there were no egg sacs around this one. Only the moth she was chowing down on.
Another critter we’d see around the property. This grasshopper was about the length of Greg’s middle finger.
Can you spot the vine snake? Hmmm. We think we get why they call it that! These are apparently “everywhere” but we only spotted a couple because they’re so well camouflaged. Fortunately, they’re totally harmless.
Watering the orchids resulted in a floral explosion about half way through our visit. Wow. This is NOT what they did in Portland.
But our favorite part was fondling the fruit to see if any was ready to devour, as it’s always been our dream to own tropical fruit trees. One of those trees included a passion fruit vine, which we didn’t start reaping rewards from until the last few weeks. When ripe, they have the optimal amount of pucker.
Not to mention, its accompanying passion flower. What an eye catcher! This flower has traditionally been used to help with sleep and anxiety and is used in tea form. Interestingly, we read, the flower is also associated with Christ, because several parts of this flower represent different aspects of the crucifixion.
Other trees we had available included the lime and mango, which rewarded us with a huge windfall for about two weeks. Also, we had access to avocados but only from the markets. They were interesting avocados because the seed was far smaller than the hole so they made a thumping sound when shaken. While living here, we also learned the value of putting avocados (and bananas!) in the refrigerator to make them last. This literally doubles or triples the life span of these fruits!
We also had two papaya trees on the property, but the colossal ones pictured (next to Mandy’s shoes for scale) were provided by our gardener, Ameth. And, surprisingly seedless. We ate papaya out the wazoo. In fact, we had so much that Mandy started using it for facials, followed by a lime/sugar scrub and coconut oil moisturizer. Her skin has never been clearer. Forget all those crappy skincare products. Natural is where it’s at!
By this time of day (around 9), the humidity had skyrocketed so it was time for a shower. And as long as we had electricity, it was a hot one (sometimes rare in Panama!) It was at this time we generally examined and pampered all the new bites and bumps we had been gifted by the jungle. Mandy thought she’d be ok here because, she’s not typically a trophy for blood-sucking mosquitos (unlike Greg.) But, it turns out, we were both destined for some misery. Turns out, despite our best efforts to cover or wear toxic bug spray, everything bites in the jungle.
We were told there are literally 12 types of ants here from microscopic squish-with-your-finger model, to the carnivorous assholes, to the bullet ant, an ant that’s sting has been compared to a bullet wound to the stomach. Most of the time, it was simply the vicious no-see-ums that brought us down and had us dunking body parts in apple cider vinegar to alleviate the pain. We also had a some run-ins with spiders, worms and of course, mosquitoes.
Other things we did to embrace a more sustainable lifestyle was 1. Made our own salsa 2. Made our own yogurt (because it was a ridiculous $8/carton in the grocery stores for the good stuff and 3. Brewed our own tepache (fermented pineapple beer) using the pineapples that grew from the garden.
We also replanted the tops of the pineapples we bought so that more pineapples could grow in the future. If we owned this land, it’s very likely we’d become largely self-sufficient. Everything grows here. It’s just mind-boggling.
Time for a brain-friendly breakfast!
We had all our meals at the outside table overlooking the ocean. We couldn’t ask for a better view or home to sit in.
It appears we had a few mouse hangovers for Mocha, Diablito and Ginger, who were actually a mother and her two adult children who clearly refused to get real jobs and leave the house. As the day wore on, this was a typical day for the Panama cats.
Once a week, we would go into town to restock on groceries and produce. The village of Bucaro (population 421) down below was only 10 minutes away down a very steep hill, which very much required the use of our provided four-wheel drive truck, or a very sweaty walk. Unfortunately, Bucaro did not have any services other than a few restaurants. This was the only store, which basically sold processed food, soda and eggs. So eggs was the only thing of value to us.
Across the street was the Bucaro School, which was online due to COVID. In the meantime, they would use the same school as a vaccination site when the health organization peddled into town. New cases of COVID have been incredibly low, and shrinking, during our time in Panama. In fact 67.4% have at least one vaccine and everyone wears masks. No questions asked. We even saw a guy on a horse wearing one. Maybe a little excessive, but something is working. Meanwhile, the CDC has ranked Panama as a level four (the highest) for do not travel. Something is very wrong with this picture.
A typical Panamanian home beach home. A lot of them look like this…unfinished. Yet, people still very much live in them. Can’t even begin to comprehend what their bug bite situation looks like 🙁
One of the beachside shack restaurants in Bucaro.
Heading onward 25 minutes, we arrived in the next “real” town of Tonosi. Tonosi is where we would go to stock up on produce, Jaggy meat and basic groceries for ourselves. We shopped at one of the four ‘mini supers’ referred to as “Chinos” because they are all owned by Asian people. Not sure if they’re actually Chinese…
Sifting through our change to spend at the produce stands. Panama is on the dollar, however what you receive back in coins is mixed between US coins and Panamanian Balboas, named after the Spanish conquistador Núñez de Balboa. Fortunately, the coins are the same size and color as our coins so it doesn’t get too complicated. They also have a coin which is equivalent to our dollar, and regularly use a $.50 piece.
Stocking up at one of the many fruit stands. One of the massive bundles of rambutans was $3.50 so, they were cheap, but definitely not SE Asia or Mexico cheap.
Whenever we went to town, we made an effort to eat at the restaurant next to Chino #2, where we were always personally greeted and served by the chef, Felix. Felix made us traditional Panamanian food, which like most Central American food usually includes rice, fried fish or chicken, beans and sweet plantains. Not the most scintillating cuisine overall, but he served it with charm and enthusiasm and we were very pleased for $3.50/each. He comes to Tonosi half the year because it is home, but the other half of the year during tourist season, he cooks in Bocas del Toro. As is typical, our fish is served with a side of lime. Lemons, except in fancy supermarkets with imports, truly don’t seem to exist south of the US until about Brazil (We’ve read).
Bringing home our loot from the market. All of this cost about $90, which also included (3) 20 L jugs of drinking water and a case of 24 local beers. (No, thanks for checking…we don’t buy that weekly! Haha!) That said, local beer is incredibly inexpensive in Panama…$13 for a case, and then you get $3 back when you return the bottles. Thus, about $.41/each or $1 when you buy at a restaurant.Despite the cheap alcohol, in total groceries were 2-3 times more expensive than Mexico, and comparable to the costs of what we spend in the US, although the produce was cheaper. The biggest challenge for us shopping in Tonosi was that disappointingly no greens were available other than cabbage and iceberg lettuce. But, alas, our lifestyle is all about adapting so we worked with what we had!
When we got home, Porsche could often be found waiting at the door for us. Although they had a cat door (which she was entirely capable of using) she preferred the royal doors be opened for her. She seriously cracked us up. Not sure if we’ve ever met a more amusing feline.
Speaking of, the many faces of Porsche. According to Marcy, 1) Cutie Cat, 2) Snootie Cat 3) WTF? 4) Piss off. Oh that princess. How we already miss her. When Porsche was not waiting at the door, you could typically find her sleeping in a large bowl or trying to tuck away from the others. We had to intervene with quite a few skirmishes. Poor girl. She’s just not meant to be a jungle cat. Maybe a mall cat…
And a video to commemorate the unique relationship between Porsche and Jaggy.
Settling in with Mama Ginger to work on the patio for the afternoon. Loved this office.
By late afternoon, it was again time to feed Jaggy and take him out for a romp.
Another revolting thing that might happen during your day is you discover your backpack or jacket, safely tucked back in the closet, is now infested with mold. Ah, the joys of living at 70%+ humidity. Thankfully, at least here, we have access to a fully operating washer and dryer.
The gardener, Ameth, and the housekeeper Mita, came once per week on Wednesdays. We loved having them around to practice our Spanish, learn about local life, and keep the property looking amazing. By the end of our stay, they felt more like family than strangers. We miss them already too.
Having dinner at one of the local restaurants on the beach. This restaurant is owned by Mita’s son so we tried to go there a few times. Red snapper, fries and salad. ($10) Absolutely divine. And always, a balboa beer to wash it down, which is the most palatable of the four local national beers.
And because plantains were so cheap in the market, we even tried to make our own patacones a few times. A bit bland, but loaded with fiber! Also, one day Mita even made us some traditional food, which is called Bolla de Maiz, (we think) or basically Panama’s less seductive version of a tamale wrapped in a corn husk. Incredibly sweet of her.
One section in our manual displayed the words, “TOAD WRANGLING.” Oh…uh…you’re not kidding? Well, apparently, there was a distinct possibility we could discover massive toads in the yard which needed to be wrangled into a bucket and set free on the beach. There are two reasons for this: 1) They attract snakes, which are evidently no good to have around cats 2) They have very putrid and large poos. It wasn’t until the last days of our stay that we were awarded the opportunity to see and try and wrangle a toad. This bright-eyed monster, as you can see next to Greg’s foot, was absolutely gargantuan…about the size of a dinner plate. He bounced (ha!) before we were able to do much wrangling, but to be honest we were probably gawking at it with gaping mouths longer than necessary…
On a different night, we mixed up our hiking routine and ducked into the jungle by moonlight. Unfortunately we don’t have the equipment to take photos in the pitch black, but other than our flashlights, it was pretty much what we were dealing with. All in all, it was a quite trippy and heart pounding experience. It reminded us of walking into a haunted woods set-up during Halloween, but with actual threats of ocelots, coyotes, and slithery thing, and not just some dad in a plaid shirt with a chain saw. The symphony of sounds was completely unlike the ones typical of daytime wanders, and we really had no idea what skirted around us, other than the mice and scorpions we caught glimpses of with our flashlights. Definitely worth it though.
We obviously never knew what the nights were going to bring. And on one occasion, this included having a mammoth-sized moth flying around inside the living room, which upon closer inspection, was actually coasting around like…..a small bat. EEK. Of course, the bat seemingly disappeared when we turned the lights on, so we figured it would stay in that room until the next morning. “Safely” in our room with the door closed, we prepared to read by light of our devices. Out of nowhere, the bat started swooping around our bedroom. Mandy, naturally, squealed and buried herself in the security of the blankets, while Greg grumbled for her to “get up and help me deal with this.” Well, we didn’t have any luck “dealing with it” that night. The bat escaped from our room and we ended up locking it in Marcy and Ray’s room for the evening.
When we shared the story with them, they said we needed to use the conveniently provided butterfly net (oh, THAT’s what that’s for!), and plan to go in to hunt for it with flashlights after dark. Marcy, who has apparently done this a time or two and once using a Tupperware container, mentioned that they tend to fly in circles, so you often just have to hold up the net and it will fly right in once you figured out their pattern.
Unfortunately/fortunately, we waited about 15 minutes, on two separate occasions, and nothing seemed to happen. So perhaps he escaped on his own….somehow. We’ve discovered we’re not too good at catching things. Oh my…just another day in the jungle.
