From Hue turned May (2024) so it was time to call it a day in the central part of Vietnam, as we only had one more month on our visa. This would be the most extensive journey, and only overnight in the country which proved to have a few hiccups, though nothing extreme, for our $30 “VIP” sleeper bus tickets.

Also, because it was a night bus, of course this meant we weren’t leaving until…night. Normally this would just mean stashing our bags somewhere and exploring in the city we’re in for a few hours before our departure. However, when we left our place at noon, the heat index was a sweltering 48C/118F so there was really only one option…a day-o-fun at…the air conditioned shopping mall, complete with hoards of locals because they were also escaping the intense heat, with billions of children in tow…because the hottest day yet was also a national holiday. HOORAY!!!

The walk to the mall would only have been 20 minutes, but in this heat with bags we didn’t even consider not paying $1.50 for the Grab ride. In the meantime, there were very few people on the road but the ones we passed looked like this. It absolutely baffles us to see the locals covered from head to toe in this oppressiveness. And these are not the “cooling” linens we see in the Middle East. Most of them are wearing fleece or sweats, with hoods and masks. It’s not uncommon for locals in developing countries to be against getting any additional color because dark skin is often seen as a sign of poverty (as in field laborers.) Quite ironic to the western world and our obsession with getting bronzed. But alas, you can be certain the skin cancer rates are far higher in a place like Australia than in a place like Vietnam.

When we got to the mall, we mistakenly thought there would be an abundance of options of which to eat. But the majority of them were on the stifling fifth floor where the AC clearly couldn’t keep up, and were all hot pot restaurants. Yeah, we really weren’t in the mood for a pile of overpriced meat served on a flaming grill in the middle of your table….

This is how we ended up at, Jollibee, which is obviously the McDonald’s of SE Asia, where mini humans are clearly indoctrinated with a dose of western “food,” forks, sugar, and birthday party signs in English. Thank god there was no clown. Only a large anthropomorphic bee.

As soon as we went in, Mandy snagged the only free table in the back and Greg bravely waded through the sea of pandemonium. Fifteen minutes later, Greg returned like a distraught soldier from the battlefield with two plates that looked like this for about $3/each. If you look closely you’ll see the medals of honor in the form of hot dogs implanted in that spaghetti. Childhood comfort food inevitably leading to discomfort later… However, we do give Jolibee props for using reusable plates, etc.

We then had no choice but to spend the remaining four hours of the afternoon in the Starbucks of Vietnam…Highlands Coffee, where we had to wait about 30 minutes for a table to clear because it seems everyone in Hue had the same idea.

Vietnam is the second biggest coffee producer in the world so, for the record, the drinks in Highlands are far superior to Starbucks. Thus, if you’re in Vietnam we’d definitely recommend indulging in a treat. Mandy personally wouldn’t stop making inappropriate noises over the Phindi Kem Sùa, which is an ice coffee with a very creamy milk foam crown, chocolate jellies and cinnamon. And Greg equally (maybe not?) enjoyed his mulberry smoothie. Both were $4.50.

We spent our time writing, reading, researching and observing this girl put on makeup, which astonishingly took about 90 minutes.

At 5:00, we were finally able to call a Grab to take us to the bus “station” or rather, the mysterious (boarded) pick up point for our 6:30 pm bus which said to be an hour early. We booked the bus through Bookaway, as we’ve done frequently in Vietnam, but were a bit relieved to see other people show up because the pick up point, and “Techbus,” our designated line, also had HORRIBLE reviews. Like a 2 on Google maps. 😬 Unfortunately there surprisingly just didn’t seem to be a lot of options from Hue going northbound.

So, we pulled up a street chair, grabbed some ice cream and licked swiftly as we hoped for the best. Fortunately by this time the heat index had plummeted to a brisk 106F/41C.

At 7:45, one hour and fifteen minutes late, our glorious bus showed up just as we were discussing contingency plans. The conductor, nor the driver seemed to want to vocally confirm if we were heading to Hanoi, but fortunately our names were on a little clipboard which meant…we were.

The conductor led us to the back of the bus giving Mandy the second to last floor bunk and Greg the very back one. It didn’t take long for Greg to crawl wide-eyed in Mandy’s because the one he’d been assigned was over the back wheel-well, which didn’t lay down, nor did it have windows, which he likened to being shoved into the trunk of a car, and got quite panicky over. (Which rarely happens to Captain Calm.)

Thankfully, we’re both little people and the party lit bunks were wide enough for two. That doesn’t mean it was an easy sleep, however, because our mute bus driver also drove like a bat out of hell making us feel like pinballs for the majority of the night. At around 3:00, the drivers switched and we were lulled to sleep by someone who’d actually passed a driving test. We were grateful to have five more hours until the bus arrived at 8:00 to get some real zzzs.

But surprise! 😲 Our bus had arrived to Hanoi at 5:30 instead!! You can see the look of elation on Greg’s face. But one thing that actually made us elated?! The cool morning temperatures of Hanoi!! At last! The heatwave had passed!

And the station was positively silent….which is a bit rare for an early morning in Vietnam. What we’d soon learn is that the north Vietnamese are not quite the morning people that their southern countrymen are.

Still, we were able to wee, which we were overcharged 2100 Dong ($.08) for and 30000 Dong ($1.20) over for our actual bus tickets. Clearly there’s a bit more “foreigner pricing” in North Vietnam as well. Suspiciously noted. 🤔 And finally…we were off to Ninh Binh!!

When we arrived to Ninh Binh, we still had several more hours of slothing before we could check into our hotel, so we hunkered down in a cafe. The friendly server brought us a free “tea” which looked like antifreeze and tasted like a floral bombed dish detergent. Pushing that aside with a grimace, we made room for an iced coffee and a sinh to bo (pronounced BUH) or avocado smoothie instead. Sin toe buhs are our favorite 🤩

Tam Coc (Ninh Binh) Night 1

When most people say they’re visiting Ninh Binh, Vietnam, they actually mean they’re heading to Tam Coc, a tourist town dropped adjacent to an emerald wonderland of rice paddies, towering jagged limestone peaks and endless life in streams and ponds. The UNESCO landscape is riddled with sacred pagodas, hidden caves and alluring landscapes featuring a nightly chorus of amphibious altos.

And, with all this, and the ability to bicycle everywhere, to quickly escape any crowds, it easily became our favorite place in Vietnam in an instant. The first night chronicles our initial impressions of the area near our accommodation, and the town of Tam Coc itself…

We chose to stay a fifteen minute walk from the hubbub, which as usual turned out to be a great decision. We were surrounded by silence, (other than the aforementioned choir of frogs), lush green rice paddies, and picturesque landscapes.

The lake in Tam Coc, as well as a creek blanketed in a layer of lime.

A exquisite cemetery near our place. For the first three days we got fortunate with cloudy skies which make cycling much easier and the landscapes all the more mystical.

Dirt paths leading to endless discovery and lots of water, which we couldn’t believe didn’t create a voracious mosquito population. Fortunately, at least this time of year, they weren’t too terrorizing.

Across from our place, a bar tucked into the rice field. Unfortunately we never made it because there were too many other options.

It felt so good to be in the tranquil countryside, where the temperatures had “plunged” into the possibility of wearing a shirt for more than four hours, and we could finally breathe and taste the sweetness of unpolluted air.

Walking into town the first night, we immediately encountered the Old Viet Pub, which looks like a 1970s happier set from a war movie. We loved the vibe. Overall, the scene in Tam Coc was relaxed and touristy, but far from obnoxious.

They did have some eye-raising bus bars playing Bob Marley, and lots and lots of tourist agencies to hold your hand if that’s your cup of tea.

And somehow, we ended up getting our weekly dose of Indian at Curry King. Paneer butter curry never fails…

Afterwards, we walked out onto Tam Coc let where hundreds of rowboats line the shore for your excursion. We passed and opted for a walk around the lake instead, but they were very photogenic!

If you wanna hop on one, we read it’s about 200k dong/person ($8)..plus a mandatory tip of 50k Dong, so $10. Um. No. The setting is beautiful without!

Mandy pausing for reflection (or because Greg told her to) on the bridge.

A ‘lil lost money maker.

After we strolled around the lake, we found these matching-in-mustard senior citizens doing some very fetching, snail-paced aerobicizing.

On our way back, we grabbed our first “Bia Hoi” or fresh beer, of our time in Vietnam, which cost an astounding 7000 Dong…or $.28 EACH…IN A BAR!

Bia Hoi is a uniquely Vietnamese type of draught beer especially popular in the north of the country. It’s incredibly light body, with minimal malt character, and very low alcohol. It’s designed for gulping, not sipping, during the hot and sticky days of summer.

Also, known as “fresh beer” the style was invented and popularized in the 60’s during a severe rice shortage where rice staples were diverted and banned from rice wine production in favor of kitchens, thus catapulting beer consumption into the mainstream. War time further limited raw materials like glass and since beer was stored in kegs it became a widespread and accessible alcohol for the masses. Vietnam today is among the top 10 in beer consumption in the world.

It’s called fresh beer, because it has not gone through a pasteurization process before being shipped out of the brewery often in the early morning and is typically produced rapidly, after perhaps only a few days of fermentation with minimal malt, and pumped into kegs for immediate consumption. Don’t grab a Bia Hoi looking for any kind of flavor analysis, grab it because it’s hot outside and the Bia Hoi is cold.

A different night, we ordered a papaya salad ($3.15), with no spice at all, at Tam Coc Vintage Restaurant. Great restaurant and selection, but so far, the descriptions of far less spicy food in the north has been highly accurate and we miss the heat!

Splurging on a treat to welcome us to the north…a mint watermelon margarita and a craft beer at Chookie’s Beer Garden. Sooo delicious! ($8/2 drinks)

And such great ambience as well! A curly-headed German girl, barely three was silently walking her baby doll endlessly in a stroller around the pool as we had our drinks. While walking out of the bar, we heard her parents coaching her on her English. Little remarkable well behaved sponge.

Speaking of pools, the setting back at our place for four nights…Tam Coc Viet Ha. ($20/night/Booking) After a night being lovingly squished together on a bunk bus, we made up for it with a ginormous bed, which seemed to be two doubles pushed together. We each laid spread eagle for three nights without even our fingertips touching. It was awesome! 🤣

A sampling of our complimentary breakfast offerings.

The view from our back shared porch was a great place to have coffee in the morning. The sunrise would graze the mountain at about 7:15, although it rose far earlier. Also, a clearer photo on our one sunny day!

Exploring Tam Coc: Day One

As you pedal your way through lush verdant vistas, it doesn’t take long to learn that Tam Coc is an absolute bicycler’s dream. Day one began by grabbing bikes from our homestay, which we rented for about $1.50/each, and seems to be the preferred method of travel for tourists and locals alike. Of course, if you want more zip, motorbikes would be the second option.

On this morning, we encountered our first water buffalos, visited a sacred pagoda folded into the rock, and met a very amusing 75-year-old granny who took us on a caving adventure, on land and in the water, all while pointing out madames, monsieurs, buddhas and…titis.

Have we mentioned the landscape was STUNNING!? Happy water buffalo smile for the camera during their morning soak.

Happy Mandy, on the other hand, was just soaking in sweat. Actually, on this day, it really wasn’t that bad. The misty cloud coverage helped a lot!

Arriving to Bich Dong Pagoda and Bich Dong Cave in Dam Khe village. In English this sounds like two naughty words strung together, which means you have to swallow your inner ten year old to give it the sacred religious and UNESCO respect it deserves.

You also have to dress politely by covering your knees, but evidently only if they’re woman knees; dude knees are considered acceptable, even if the information graphic shows this one is “wearing scanty.”

Entering Bich Dong cave, which was free and not too crowded, even at 11 in the morning.

Before it got vulgar, the Bich Dong Pagoda was originally known as “Bạch Ngọc Thạch Sơn Đồng”, which means a beautiful stone pagoda evoking the image of a pure gem in the most remote place. Maybe they should have stuck with that? In 1774 Lord Trinh Sam visited the site to behold the mountains, the stone caves, the rivers, the fields and the lush landscape. In his eyes, the pagoda looked outstanding in a green background, prompting him to change the pagoda’s name to Bich Dong also known as the “Second most beautiful cave in Viet Nam.”

After visiting, we learned about the “Laws of Cause and Effect” likely written by Buddhists, but could also be a propaganda machine. Guess we’re screwed based on the first slide 🤣😬

Upon leaving the complex, if you scoot through the lady charging for bike parking, to the right of the entrance, you can find a crowdless “hidden path,” which leads to this mesmerizing view of the pagoda entrance. From here, stay left, and climb up and over the rocks…

…and then back down, where we met some friends. Goats are everywhere in Ninh Binh…including on many dinner plates….

Once we came down from the path, we ran into a tranquil lake…

…and an irresistible lady with a convincing English sign to let her guide us into parts unknown. We had planned to do some cave wandering and a boat ride, and since the options we’d read about seemed pricey and crowded, this seemed like a much more Greg and Mandy-friendly option. Plus, our money would go directly into the hands of a local…so why not? This is how we ended up in “ĐÔNG THIỀN CUNG” cave for $1.18 each, which promised to be “beautiful.”

It really wasn’t. 🤣 But the entertaining spitfire with a 25-word English vocabulary pointing out countless objects in the cave that “looked like” madame/monsieurs, cocks and titis, truly made it unique. She even played us some music using the cave piping as her own personal xylophone. 😁

And she also pointed out an “ộp ộp,” which we soon realized is the sound a frog makes in Vietnam. It looked a bit more lifelike than the rest of the figments of her imagination.

Then, she asked if we wanted to take a boat ride in a cave for an additional $2/each. We assumed her fully capable grandson standing by would be driving the boat but apparently, she was in charge, while he went back to “man” the teahouse. Gender roles seem a bit flipped in Vietnam sometimes. So…clearly a sucker for cute ‘lil Vietnamese ladies, we plopped down some more Dong, along with a German girl…

…who remarked on the impressive German efficiencies of this woman’s English explanations and rules hand-written directly on the boat.

Off we go! Look at the balance of that 70-something! Although this time we floated into the cave, but the “madame/monsieur/titi” narrative was the same.

We did get an addition of a LOT of real…low-hanging buts. Aka bats.

After about 20 minutes, we emerged in another lake, and our friend bid us tam biet! (Goodbye)

Heading to lunch nearby, we grabbed a mint lassi, which interestingly seem popular in north Vietnam, as well as a banana flower salad and a bowl of pho, which was bizarrely sweet, tasting significantly different bowls of the south. Also, it didn’t include a pile of greens which we really missed. But, it may have even been a bit cheaper because the whole meal was just over $5. 😁

For the second part of our first day, we found ourselves on raised bamboo walkways at a tranquil respite immersed in the rice paddies called the “Snail and Hen Farm.” It was down a peaceful butterfly-sprinkled path where no other cyclists seemed to be turning and seemed truly hidden by most! Our kinda place!

The Snail and Hen Farm does activities like buffalo riding, fishing, snail harvesting and kayaking, but it was around 3:00 in the afternoon so a bia was more calling our name after the miles of biking. However, we definitely recommend for those with families or who just want a unique experience!

The owners were incredibly welcoming and hospitable and immediately wanted us to do a photo shoot under their entrance sign. After she took about 30 photos, she led us to a massive, very docile water buffalo who was lying sorta sadly in middle of the cycling path. The owner kept gesturing for us to climb aboard but we refused knowing full well the possibility of…A. creepy crawlies being transferred into our shorts and B. the possibility of being coerced into a ride. Uh, we’ll just give her a little pat! Greg’s face says it all.

Yes, let’s just go enjoy this beautiful garden, shall we? Following this was yet another photo shoot with our beers…

Exploring the property, which was quite a feat of engineering!

A unique fishing net dangled over the pond.

We also saw the ponds were lined with fat chunky apple snails at the bottom. Apple snails live entirely under (fresh) water and are seen as a delicacy in North Vietnam. In fact, we would have an encounter with these very soon.These pepto pink bizarre little wonders were of course, their eggs!! Wow! How extraordinary and colorful! Their eggs are 2.2–3.5 mm in diameter and laid in masses above the waterline on vertical surfaces like vegetation, rocks, walls, logs, and pilings. Each cluster can contain up to 700 eggs, and females can lay a new cluster every 5–14 days, which if touched or eaten undercooked, can be toxic to humans.

More beautiful butterflies! So difficult to catch with wings ablazin’!

Another canal blanketed in green.

Ooo…when we come back and have more money, the nearby Tam Coc Rice Fields Resort might be the kind of place we land. It’s $47/night on Booking.

For now, we headed back to our $20/night slum for a break. Day one couldn’t have been more perfect…

Exploring Tam Coc: Day Two

Our second day in Tam Coc consisted of a very long and joyous bike ride, for us, at about 30 kilometers. It was on this grey and cloudy day we did the obligatory tourist stop of the famous Tam Coc viewpoint (Viewpoint Đầm sen Hang múa), where we encountered a helluva view. We also encountered seemingly everyone else traveling in the area, a lot more unnecessary photo opp kitsch, and a wild and crazed local who threw herself out in the road waving frantically with no authority or signage, and demanding we park our bicycles a good 1/4 mile away from the site. Fortunately, we knew what was happening…because it keeps happening…and simply road our bikes around her with a smile and a “không cám ơn”. This. Is. A. Scam. Again, you do not have to pay to park a bicycle in tourist sites!

The goal was to see the very famous and sweeping view, which looks like a scene from Jurassic Park. It truly is epic so we’re glad we did it.

Getting there is always half…or actually a lot more fun as we passed houses of yesteryear, and the gorgeous wetlands, which sprawled before the viewpoint, limestone karsts popping up in every direction.

And bonus! As soon as you pay your 100k Dong or $4/each entrance fee, you get access to the lovely wetlands, which features fun and random #instagold like these distinguished horses running through water, and these mushrooms which seem very happy to see us!

After punching the mushroom (did we say that?), it is then time to weave our way through the huffing and puffing crowds, many in flip flops, to get to the main event of summiting the ~500 rugged and steep stairs. Add 90% humidity to this equation, and you’ve got quite a cocktail.

At the peak everyone smooshes quietly on the platform to peacefully admire the wonder of this magnificent view (Ha! We wish!), while others clamor up an even more treacherous and congested path to stand on the dragon at the very top. Well, at least it’s not a mushroom….

And the other side is very different, but equally enchanting.

Also on the property is the Mua Cave, which hardly anyone was in, which was one of those low hanging caves that looks like it could descend and crush you at any moment, a la Indiana Jones.

Walking out into the boardwalked wetlands.

A micro photo of one of the lily pads

After this mayhem, we were happy to zip back off on our own and find the perfect place to eat lunch…at the very tranquil, Mama’s Kitchen, which quickly made up for the overly peopled morning. The setting was superb.

This giant set lunch tray, their only offering, was chocked with random items and more than big enough to share. (125k Dong) or about $5.

While dining, we enjoyed observing the kerfuffles between the geese and the chickens, including their unending attempts to get on the other side of this caged wire. All the geese had to do was swim, but they couldn’t quite figure it out. 🤣

More stunning scenery…

Boats lined up to accommodate the tourists who wanted to take advantage of the $10/person three hour boat ride up the river (the same river in the previous photos.) We read this is the base charge because there is also a pretty much obligatory 100k ($4) tip on top of this. It’s undoubtedly beautiful, but definitely not something we were interested in.

We were happy to cruise along instead on our bikes to hang out with the water buffalo in the rice paddies.

And then took a long stroll enjoying decorative cemeteries in the evening. The tombs are interestingly often in the shapes of beds around here, which seemingly makes resting in peace more relevant. This made us wonder, why isn’t this done more often?!

Exploring Tam Coc: Day Three

On our third and final day in Tam Coc, which we thought was a good amount of time, we were able to take it a bit easier than the previous two, which worked out well because the beating sun also came out to play. That day, we biked to the laidback family owned Buffalo Cave, maybe our favorite stop of all, most notably because of the opportunity to hand feed the ducklings. We also checked out the off-the-beaten-path Buddhist temple and cave complex called Chùa Linh Cốc.

We then had lunch at Sister Fields, the type of place where all the western backpackery types seem to unite for their Buddha and Smoothie Bowl Conventions.

After a nap and some downtime, we capped it off with an evening walk near our hotel.

Getting off the tourist trail in Tam Coc quickly became our favorite part of this magnificent place.

And also led us to Buffalo Cave, where we found the cutest little ducklings sunbathing under a lamp, which we had the opportunity to feed.

The entrance is 75k Dong ($3) for the opportunity, which also includes a drink, buffalo feeding, fishing by rod, a natural swimming pool, and the chance to explore their cave and walking paths.

From their welcome plaque…”The family of Mr Nhi has been living here for 50 years, engaging in traditional fishing and rice cultivation, spanning four generations. Mr. Nhi and his wife have been married for 22 years and have two children. They earn a living by casting nets along the riverbank and cultivating rice. However, life has become increasingly challenging for them as the fish and shrimp population has dwindled, and the price of rice has not been favorable. As a result, they transitioned to a model where foreign visitors can experience buffalo riding, fishing, rice cultivation, and cooking. They find joy and happiness in guiding you through the daily life of a farmer with authentic customs.”

Walking around their property was indeed a peaceful experience. Mandy entered their private cave, which might resemble something else, which stretches 40 meters and once served as the dwelling place for ancient Vietnamese people around 7,000 years ago. The cave entrance still bears traces of large shells and snail shells left behind by the ancient inhabitants.

Furthermore, there are French inscriptions dating back over 100 years. During Vietnam’s resistance, this location served as a refuge for local residents seeking shelter from bombings. The poor Vietnamese have been fought over and on for centuries.

What a beautiful setting!!

Greg enjoying his complimentary coconut, and Mandy, her mango smoothie.

But her favorite part was holding and feeding the ducklings!

The instructions said to take the duck feed, and rub it into your hands until they’re covered. The ducks do the rest of the work like a thousand voracious woodpeckers with more pleasantly softened beaks. It was the weirdest feeling. But not quite like a massage like the sign says…🤣 They were so very cute!

After washing our hands of duck poo and beak bacteria, we went to the serene Chùa Linh Cốc pagoda and cave complex where the pagoda was skillfully melded with the cave rock. 20k Dong each or about $.75. The cave, which we had to ourselves, was well lit…

…and had many blessings for Buddha placed throughout. We find it interesting how many processed cookies Buddha seems to receive. Must be where he got that notorious belly…

Our mini caving expedition!

Heading for lunch at Sister Fresh, Greg ordered a mushroom medley avocado toast which had a lovely swath and of beet hummus, while Mandy’s was more simplified. They cost 100k Dong ($4) which is a bit pricey here but for the presentation and quality, we were happy to pay it!

Our last evening walk in Tam Coc included an unfortunate environmental and geographic eyesore that was dropped into the landscape…a cement factory. Ugh.

Other than that, we will definitely miss Tam Coc. Onto the next adventure…and oh, what an adventure that would be 😳