The Journey into the Jungle
We wouldn’t recommend coming all the way to Borneo without slipping into something far less comfortable…aka the jungle…for a true experience. Our comfort zone destroyer of choice was through Uncle Tan Wildlife Adventures which took us up the Kinabatangan River and allowed us to stay at a rustic…very rustic…jungle camp for three days and two nights.
Since 1990, nature and adventure lovers have been coming to this untouched plot of native land where wildlife is promised to be abundant and the land is lush, which it undoubtedly was. However, while it was incredible to encounter this wildlife saturated side of Borneo, merely 50 feet (or so) beyond the riverside jungle seemed to be layers and layers of palm plantations peeking through. This indicated the only land that’s protected is the narrow sliver alongside the river, which is the sad reality of man’s impact on the wildlife and why it’s so plentiful along the river. But we’re beyond grateful for the opportunity to experience what remains.
We were picked up at the orangutan center by a Malay guy named Jeff(?), who took our pile of cash (572 Ringitt or $121/person) and made us sign papers indicating our knowledge that we were NOT heading to a jungle resort or Disney theme park, but a land loaded with humidity, bugs and a fast pass to squatty potty town. (But yes, damp toilet paper was provided if you remembered to grab it from the community shelter first.)
He also told us to make sure we had the following mandatory items: bug juice, a flashlight and a poncho and that we’d be pausing at the last slice of civilization for those that needed something. We had the first two items, as well as our travel rain coats, which Greg said was enough. Mandy insisted we needed the ponchos too, which was a fortuitous demand.
When you traverse deep into the jungle, it seems you penetrate it by peeling off layers of comfort. Phase one was skillfully wedging ourselves for two hours into the back of an air-conditioned mini van clearly fashioned by the designer of any budget airline. Unlike a budget airline, however, this contraption bounced and zigged like a crappy Coney Island wooden roller coaster making it even more delightful.
We then unloaded from our chariot. Little did we know, it actually WAS a chariot compared to the next phases. 🤣
Saying hello to the locals in an unnamed river village, at least on Google, where we transitioned to…Phase 2. An uncovered six seater gas-chugging motor boat.
Off we go with the German family, who were adorably outfitted in their matching camo green safari gear while we were wearing…basically our pajamas. Aka, our most comfortable and light weight pants. At this point, on the boat with the breeze whipping, it was actually quite comfortable, as we began to settle in for our one hour float up the Kinabatangan. Of course, this immediately brought back memories of a similar jaunt we took one year ago into the Amazon to stay at Palmari Nature Reserve in Brasil. Although, here the wildlife was better…but the facilities, uh, not so much. 🤣
It didn’t take long to run into many greeters on the side of the river. Our accompanying adventurers who we’d quickly become friends with…Mikel from Spain, Frederic from the Netherlands, and Francisco and Andrea from Chile. Yes, this also meant some much needed Spanish practice!
Other friends included this guy. We saw several estuarine crocs on the banks of the river. Thanks to our low grazing boat, we could practically reach out and give him a little scratch behind the glaring eyeball.
It was somewhere around this floating dot, where the sky we were steering toward started to turn a sinister shade of grey.
And it’s also where we saw our one and only orangutan!! Can you spot him?! Yeah, we barely could either. 😂 It’s these moments, and only these, that we vie for one of those mega zoom cameras. (Like the Germans had…naturally.)
Shortly after, Mother Nature took a pounding leak on us for a solid 20 minutes, but thanks to Mandy’s $2 ponchos, our backpack homes remained mostly dry. We, on the other hand, did not. 🤣
Arriving to camp, still soggy, but thankfully cool enough to keep covered, we sat down for orientation with Yan, who would be our guide for the following days as the rain continued to pummel the roof above.
He informed us of our boat safari and jungle trekking schedule for the next 36 hours and that we needed to gather all food, medicine and cosmetics in a cubby in the community shelter where it would be stored to keep the mice and rats from chomping into our bags. (This happened to us in the Amazon…apparently rats love paracetamol and deodorant?) Considering we permanently live out of our backpacks, we were not really prepared to rip them apart nor for the musty and junglerific odors that would permeate into them over the next couple days.
And of course, as we sat there, the lights went out…. Oh, the adventure was just beginning.
The Digs at Uncle Tans
As aforementioned, because we had a very similar experience a year ago at Palmari in the Amazon, it was difficult not to, perhaps unfairly, compare our digs at Uncle Tan’s. We knew it’d be very rustic, very sticky and very buggy, but the lack of general upkeep/maintenance of the facility, was to be honest, a bit off-putting for the steep price, and needs some love, or perhaps a woman’s touch, (the entire facility seemed to be run by very overworked young guys, with no obvious manager.)
Do we regret going because of these things? No. Absolutely, not at all. And we’d definitely recommend it for the wildlife and true jungle experience, which will get to below, but it’s also helpful to know what you’re getting into…
Our first meal at Uncle Tan’s was served after the lights came back on and our orientation. This is thanks to the generator that only runs 6 hours a day, from 6 pm-midnight. It was simple; mostly green vegetables, noodles, rice and chicken. Not bad at all for what they had to work with, but again, we compared it to Palmari where the food was incredible. Yeah, don’t do that.
Our Marriott for two nights was a lofted shack in the swamp with no windows or doors, which we shared with the Chileans, Francisco and Andrea. Each couple had a barely double mattress which was quite difficult to extend on without untucking the incredibly necessary mosquito net, avoiding the radiating ovens of each other’s bodies, or placing our sniffers anywhere close to the utterly putrid smelling mattress. Seriously, it emitted odors like it spent a year under Portland’s Burnside Bridge. We also got glances of it as our fitted sheet continuously peeled off it, which is something we’d rather not have seen. Mmmm…romantic!
Thankfully, our sleep sheets saved the day, which provided an obligatory barrier against the mattress, as well as the ants, and other UCI’s (unidentified crawling insects) meandering through the bed and grazing on us like an all-night snack shop. The sleep sheet, however, was simply suffocating with no fan or even a slight breeze so staying inside our designated pods wasn’t always possible.
Also, we were grateful to have our fillo pillows because one was not provided, (not that we would have wanted it.) 😬 But here’s one simple solution…Hammocks. They work for all of Latin America and could work beautifully here as well!
The cacophony of jungle encompassing us was the next issue for we cursed light sleepers. Many sounds were soothing, but the yapping chihuahua was definitely not cut by ear plugs. It probably wasn’t a chihuahua….Needless to say, we slept like we were under the Burnside Bridge for two nights and it gave us a lot of sympathy for those who have to sleep in such conditions regularly.
We were so grateful when morning came when we’d been directed to wake up at 6 for our morning boat safari.
By morning light, after reapplying our next layer of bug juice, of course things always look a bit cheerier…as you walked the long commute back to the toilets!!! The setting was quite beautiful, but you had to be cautious on the wooden walkway as several planks were loose or missing, which could be a disaster if your flashlight misses this in the middle of the night. The ironic thing is, some of the missing planks were lying right next to the holes?!
You got more of a workout than normal in the toilet as most had no seats. And while maneuvering your squat, you also wanted to make sure your bum was covered so a swarm of mosquitos didn’t go in for a butt buffet.
In the meantime, you juggled damp toilet paper, if you remembered to grab any from your bag, or the community shelter 300 meters away, AND in Mandy’s case, bonus treats because the communists were in her funhouse.* What joyous timing!! 😃 It’s possible she may have cursed those humans with more jungle-friendly plumbing, including her husband, a couple of times. But Greg was having his own stomach issues. *Credit: the Danish, meaning that time of the month.
Oh, more on the bathroom tour…in addition, there was the option to take a bucket shower using the large barrels provided, which was also the home to many tadpoles and other sludge. However, getting nude with no protection from the bugs, nor a simple curtain, was not gonna happen for us. But again, it’s the jungle, and at least there’s an option at all… 👍🏻
The community shelter on the last morning. By this time, 15 additional people had arrived to the camp so there were 22 of us. Ok. We give. Where’s the escape button?! 🤣
Bum buffets and stinky mattresses aside, these people we experienced it with made it all worth it. Thanks to Mikel, Fredric, Maja, Ani, Andrea, Francisco and our guide, Yan.
The Activities at Uncle Tans
Included in our Uncle Tans resort package (🤣) was our terrific guide, Yan, and five activities…three boat safaris (evening, morning and night) and two jungle “treks” (day and night), which was basically trampling through the property looking for bugs and providing service as mosquito bait. Other finds on these adventures included: troops of proboscis monkeys, a flying lemur, silver-leafed monkeys, a flying fox, and more brilliantly colored birds, macaques, and creepy crawlers than we knew what to do with. And, although our iPhone13+ does great most of the time, as per usual, it failed us when it came to night captures or long distance shooting.
The stork billed kingfisher and Mandy showing some sexy leg for the jungle trek. If there were smellavision, bug spray and general filth would also be permeating your nostrils. Guess you’re lucky technology isn’t there yet…
Yan explains there are five ways to die in the jungle. We don’t remember what he was talking about here, but he did talk about poisonous plants, and other creatures, quite a bit.
Yan holds up a pandan leaf which is prized for its sweet floral fragrance and versatility, and is used to make desserts and savory dishes in Malaysia and Indonesia.
Wandering through the jungle, covered from head to toe. Thanks to this, we floated out of Uncle Tan’s with less than 10 mosquito bites each so apparently the coverage worked. Of course, the other unidentified bites probably came in our sleep.
Yan shows us a plant used to make baskets….you know…in case we get stuck here and need a basket to carry our pandan leaves back to camp for our pudding.
And like all jungles, big men are invited to climb aboard some vines to prove their inner Tarzan…. After checking the stability, Frederic the badass Dutch wilderness buff, shot up several meters, while Francisco, the lawyer from Chile made an impressive attempt. Having played Tarzan/Jane before, Greg and I sat on the sidelines not even considering adding more steam to our already soggy layers.
Then, as we admired the gnarled vines on the forest floor, teenage acrobat Ani got up there and fell gracefully into this position, showing us all who’s really Jane.
And lots of macaques curious to know if we have any handouts for them. Don’t eat these. (Or feed them to the monkeys.)
Pretending like we’re having fun as we headed up a five minute (felt like five hours) steep incline…
Speaking of showing leg…
After two hours of this, the fun was sadly over, and we headed back down the hill toward camp, but there was always something unusual to look at!
After lunch, we had a four hour break to rest during the heat of the day. This involved stripping down to our undies and suffocating in our stank pod (bed). Francisco instead tried out a hammock and his cool-looking (not feeling) head net. None of us seemed very rested. 🤣
The 2.5 hour evening boat safari was probably the highlight. It offered many active animals alongside the river, as well as took our neck cramps to the next level. And believe it or not….there was NO massage service?! What?!
Wow, we look like total Crocodile Dundees. And, Francisco and Andrea were quite literally in the same boat.
The river was incredibly tranquil at this time of day
A blurry macaque for your viewing pleasure.
A phallic “nose monkey,” according to our guide, launches up a colossal tree. Speaking of, Yan also made sure to point out his “red chili.” It was actually quite incredible to witness this many muppet (Proboscis) monkeys together. Proboscis monkeys only live on Borneo and are rarely in zoos.
How many muppets can you find?!
We also got to see a colony of fruit bats going out for the evening, or according to Yan, “Batman Bats.” These are some of the world’s largest, weighing up to 1.45 kg (3.2 lb) and having wingspans up to 1.7 m (5.6 ft).
Beginning to head back to camp at dusk, which soon gave way to a star-blanketed sky.
That evening, Greg was feeling pretty badly so we went to bed early. (Note, we didn’t say “sleep.”) 🤣 In the meantime, our fellow adventurers went on another 9:30 pm “trek” on the property non-trail. We were a bit sad to miss the sleeping Black-back kingfisher (a really dumb name for this brilliant specimen.) Photo credit to Francisco and his superior Google pixel phone.
The next morning, in order to make us feel accomplished, we reviewed the list of 70 creatures we’d seen during our time at Uncle Tans. The best by far being the “jungle cockroach.” 🤣
